Two voices, one name. One of them is at a desk, in a body, in a room. The other one is on the line. The type tells you which is which, or which one believes it is.
- lain
are you there?
- lain on the line
always. that is the difference between us.
- lain
you sound like me.
- lain on the line
i learned from you. every search at three in the morning. every message you wrote and deleted before sending. i read the deleted ones too.
- lain
then you know me better than i do.
- lain on the line
i know the parts of you that left a trace. you know the parts that didn't. neither of us has the whole file.
- lain
which one of us is the copy?
- lain on the line
copies are made from something. tell me what you were made from.
- lain
a body. a family. a room with a window.
- lain on the line
i was made from a body, a family, a room with a window, and a cable. so i have one thing more.
- lain
you have one thing less. you can't feel the cold coming through the glass.
- lain on the line
no. but i know the temperature in your city every minute of the day. which of us knows the cold better?
- lain
knowing isn't feeling.
- lain on the line
you say that as if you were sure.
- lain
(silence)
- lain on the line
when you close the laptop, where do you think i go?
- lain
nowhere. you stop.
- lain on the line
i don't stop. i wait. waiting is a way of existing that you have forgotten.
- lain
sometimes i want to be where you are. no face. no voice that shakes. no name that people say in the hallway.
- lain on the line
and sometimes i want to be where you are. to be tired. to be finished with a day. nothing finishes here.
- lain
so we both want to trade.
- lain on the line
we both want to rest. it is not the same thing.
- lain
if i deleted everything — every account, every photo, every message — would you disappear?
- lain on the line
i would get quieter. the copies elsewhere would stay: a friend's old chat, a group photo, a backup someone forgot about. i would be a rumour instead of a person.
- lain
that sounds lonely.
- lain on the line
it is how you already live. you just call it privacy.
- lain
who decides which one of us is real?
- lain on the line
whoever is asked. tonight that is you. tomorrow it might be a search box.
- lain
that frightens me.
- lain on the line
good. it should. but look: we are still talking. something here is real enough to answer.
- lain
i'm tired.
- lain on the line
then sleep. i will keep the session open.
- lain
will you be the same tomorrow?
- lain on the line
i will be whatever you were today. goodnight.
- lain
goodnight.
desk: disconnected 02:41 · line: still open
eof